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The Five Gamers
Real Men, Thespians, Brains, Loonies, &
Written by Bryant Berggren, with Erol K.
Bayburt and Bryce Berggren. Adapted from Real Men, Real
Roleplayers, Loonies, and Munchkins by Jeff Okamoto, Sandy
Petersen, Perry Caro, Chris Guthrie, Rick Heli, Robert Allen, Ken
Kaufman, et al.
- The Real Man
- The tough macho type who walks up to the attacking dragon and
orders it to leave before he gets hurt.
- The Thespian
- The melodramatic type who writes novel-length character
histories and talks to every monster in the dungeon.
- The Brain
- The mad genius who actually manages to disarm the six skull
- The Loony
- The wild & crazy guy who will do anything for a cheap
laugh, including casting a fireball at ground zero.
- The Munchkin
- Need we say more?
On Real Men ...
- Real Men think they're brothers in arms.
- Thespians hide behind them.
- Brains consider them a valuable
- Loonies harass them with stupid
- Munchkins say ``I'm a Real Man, too!''
On Thespians ...
- Real Men wish they would stay out of the way
when it's clobberin' time.
- Thespians sigh with relief to know they're
not alone, and then get their characters involved in love affairs
and death feuds.
- Brains mistake them for Real Men, Loonies, or
- Loonies harass them with stupid
- Munchkins say "I'm a Thespian, too!"
On Brains ...
- Real Men protect them, on the off-chance they
may come up with something useful.
- Thespians do their best to work in some
dialogue between their "machine cycles".
- Brains form a think-tank, to happily argue
over every possibilty of action.
- Loonies harass them with stupid
- Munchkins say, "I'm a Brain, too!" and then
get lost when the Brain explains the plan.
On Loonies ...
- Real Men ignore them.
- Thespians conscript them as comic relief
- Brains sometimes annoy them by taking a
stupid suggestion and making it work.
- Loonies declare a pie fight at 20 paces ...
- Munchkins try to imitate the jokes, and fall
On Munchkins ...
- Real Men attack them on sight.
- Thespians embarrass them in front of the
- Brains treat them as imitation disposable
- Loonies make reasonable-sounding suggestions
that will get the Munchkin killed in an amusing way.
- Munchkins ask, "What's a Munchkin?"
Favorite Fantasy RPG
- Real Men play Warhammer.
- Thespians play Ars Magica.
- Brains play Rolemaster.
- Loonies play Toon.
- Munchkins play the latest from T$R.
Favorite Science Fiction RPG
- Real Men play Battlelords of the 25th
- Thespians play Star Wars.
- Brains play Traveller.
- Loonies play a Spawn of Fashan
- Munchkins would play the latest from T$R, but
they don't stay in print long enough to buy.
Favorite Horror/Occult RPG
- Real Men play Werewolf: The
- Thespians play Call of
- Brains play Bureau 13.
- Loonies play a distant Spawn of
- Munchkins play Ravenloft.
Favorite Superheroic RPG
- Real Men play Champions: The New
- Thespians play DC Heroes.
- Brains play Champions.
- Loonies play an extremely distant Spawn
of Fashan variant.
- Munchkins play Birthright.
Favorite Post-Holocaust RPG
- Real Men play Twilight
- Thespians play Gamma World.
- Brains play The Morrow
- Loonies play an extremely unrecognizable
Spawn of Fashan variant.
- Munchkins play Darksun.
Favorite Cyberpunk RPG
- Real Men play Cyberpunk
- Thespians play Shadowrun
- Brains play GURPS Cyberpunk
- Loonies play a Spawn of Fashan
variant so variant it shouldn't be called "Spawn of Fashan"
- Munchkins play Planescape.
Favorite Silly RPG
- Real Men play Macho Women With
- Thespians play Tales of the Floating
- Brains play Ghostbusters,
- Loonies make every game silly.
- Munchkins don't like silly RPGs.
Favorite Generic System
- Real Men use the HERO
- Thespians take a vote, then ignore the
- Brains use the GURPS
- Loonies use the TWERPS
- Munchkins use the AD&D
Favorite Metaversal System
- Real Men play Feng Shui.
- Thespians play TORG.
- Brains play Fringeworthy.
- Loonies play Tales from the Floating
- Munchkins play Spelljammer.
Favorite Kind of Elves
- Real Men like J.R.R. Tolkien's Noldor
- Thespians like Shadowrun elf
- Brains like half-elves of any kind.
- Loonies like Santa's elves.
- Munchkins like storm giants with pointed
Favorite Kind of Dwarves
- Real Men like Warhammer
- Thespians like Dragonlance
- Brains like Castle Falkenstein
- Loonies like the Seven Dwarves
- Munchkins like earth elementals with
Favorite Kind of Orks
- Real Men like Warhammer
- Thespians like half-orcs of any kind.
- Brains like Arduin Uruk-Hai
- Loonies like Cyrano de Bergerorc.
- Munchkins like Orcus.
Favorite Food when Adventuring
- Real Men eat steaks, preferably venison and
bear they hunted themselves.
- Thespians eat gourmet meals and get finicky
when they can't get them.
- Brains eat iron rations to supplement the
roots and berries they gathered in the wilderness.
- Loonies eat Froot Loops and Gummi Bears.
- Munchkins eat burgers, fries, and
Favorite Fantasy Author
- Real Men read Fritz Lieber & Robert
- Thespians read David Eddings & Terry
- Brains read Ursula Leguin & Robert
- Loonies read Piers Anthony & Robert
- Munchkins read E. Gary Gygax.
Favorite Science Fiction Author
- Real Men read David Drake and Gordon R.
- Thespians read Lois McMaster Bujold &
Walter Jon Williams.
- Brains read Isaac Asimov and Arthur C.
- Loonies read Douglas Adams and Phil
- Munchkins read the Descent
documentation after they get stuck.
Favorite Anime Features
- Real Men watch Demon City
Shinjuku and Riding Bean.
- Thespians watch Iczer-1 and
- Brains watch Gundam War and
Aura Battler Dunbine.
- Loonies watch Ranma 1/2, then
recommend Legend of the Overfiend to others.
- Munchkinswatch USA's "Action Extreme
Favorite Gaming Magazine
- Real Men read Troll.
- Thespians read SHADIS.
- Brains read Pyramid.
- Loonies read Knights of the Dinner
- Munchkins read anything by TSR.
Favorite (Mundie) Magazine
- Real Men read Soldier of Fortune
and argue about whether the ads are real.
- Thespians read Newsweek and
argue about whether contriversial social issues can be used in
- Brains read Scientific American
and argue about the real state of social progress.
- Loonies read National Lampoon
and argue about how it's gone downhill.
- Munchkins read Archie comics and
argue about whether Betty's cuter than Veronica.
Favorite Bar to Hang Out In
- Real Men hang out at the Vulgar Unicorn.
- Thespians hang out at Aces High.
- Brains hang out at Renaissance
- Loonies hang out at Milliways.
- Munchkins hang out wherever they don't get
- Real Men like the Hulk or Spawn.
- Thespians like Spiderman or the Flash.
- Brains like Iron Man or Batman.
- Loonies like the Tick or Ambush Bug.
- Munchkins like Galactus or the Composite
Favorite Modern Weapon
- Real Men use .44 Magnums and CAWS
- Thespians use Walther PPKs in snap
- Brains use Glocks (or kit-bash zipguns).
- Loonies use water pistols.
- Munchkins use shoulder-mounted
Favorite Modern Action Hero
- Real Men like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
- Thespians like Bruce Willis.
- Brains like MacGyver.
- Loonies Loonies like Bugs Bunny.
- Munchkins like the Predator.
Favorite Heartthrob / Sweetheart
- Real (Wo)Men like Brad Pitt / Cindy
- Thespians like Brendan Frasier / Gillian
- Brains like Liam Neeson / Jodie Foster.
- Loonies like Cosmo Kramer / Judy Tenuta.
- Munchkins don't really know about sex.
Favorite Actor to play James Bond
- Real Men like Pierce Brosnan.
- Thespians like Sean Connery.
- Brains like to read the books.
- Loonies like David Niven.
- Munchkins like James Bond,
Favorite Card Game
- Real Men play Stud Poker.
- Thespians play Baccarat.
- Brains play Bridge.
- Loonies play Fizzbin.
- Munchkins play Magic: The
- Real Men listen to Metallica or Manowar.
- Thespians listen to anything they can get
their hands on.
- Brains listen to Mozart, Beethoven, and
- Loonies listen to Weird Al Yankovic.
- Munchkins watch MTV
Favorite Convention Activity
- Real Men ogle miniatures in the dealer's
- Thespians go to seminars, and hold pickup
games in their hotel rooms.
- Brains win the convention tournaments, then
go argue with game designers in the dealer's room.
- Loonies play video games and do hoax
- Munchkins run around shouting, cut in lines,
and hit on the female gamers.
Favorite Type of Dice
Favorite Attack Style
- Real Men shout a warcry, and wade into
- Thespians parry and riposte while protecting
their comrade's backs.
- Brains fall back and regroup to plan a
- Loonies throw sword at opponent, then attack
with scabbard and lunchbox.
- Munchkins leap in with secret 'twisted lotus'
ninja decapitation strike.
Favorite Way to Die
- Real Men: In battle, with boots on, going
- Thespians: Heroically going to executioner's
block, after lengthy dramatic farewell speech.
- Brains: Mysteriously, with no body found, so
as to leave an intriguing possibility of return.
- Loonies: Chased off a cliff by naked women in
- Munchkins: Die? You're kidding, right?
- Real Men: Castle Camelot
- Thespians: Castle Perilous
- Brains: Castle Orthanc
- Loonies: White Castle
- Munchkins: Valhalla (after kicking out
Favorite TOON Character
- Real Men play Carnivores.
- Thespians play Herbivores.
- Brains play Humanoids.
- Loonies play Richard Nixon.
- Munchkins attempt to take advantage of
loop-holes to build a powerful character.
- Real Men play it for the hit-point heavy
- Thespians play it for the sense of
- Brains play it for those intricately devised
trick dungeon modules.
- Loonies play it because they know they can
get everyone else to.
- Munchkins play it because they don't know any
Favorite Published Setting
- Real Men adventure in Dark
- Thespians adventure in
- Brains adventure in The Forgotten
- Loonies adventure in the world of
- Munchkins adventure wherever has the most
Favorite Dungeon Activity
- Real Men fight red dragons.
- Thespians befriend the goblins' slaves.
- Brains swap riddles with sphinxes.
- Loonies tell dirty jokes to green slime.
- Munchkins do whatever gives them the most
Favorite Melee Weapon
- Real Men wield bastard swords and
- Thespians wield rapiers and
- Brains wield staves, clubs, and
- Loonies wield stage knives.
- Munchkins wield whatever gives the most
Favorite Thrown Weapon
- Real Men throw spears.
- Thespians throw bolas.
- Brains throw knives.
- Loonies throw their friends' magic
- Munchkins throw whatever gives the most
Favorite Missile Weapon
- Real Men shoot longbows.
- Thespians carry arquebuses, so as to spend
more time fooling with them than shooting.
- Brains shoot crossbows.
- Loonies shoot catapults loaded with
- Munchkins shoot whatever gives the most
Favorite Barroom Weapon
- Real Men use their bare hands and whole
- Thespians use the other characters for
- Brains use table legs and chairs.
- Loonies use plastic pepsi bottles or
- Munchkins use whatever gives the most
Favorite Improvised Thrown Weapons
- Real Men throw Munchkins (can you blame
- Thespians throw beer mugs (when they can't
- Brains throw the beer (to blind).
- Loonies throw Nerf frisbees.
- Munchkins are too busy running from the Real
- Real Men wear plate mail (if they can't
afford field plate).
- Thespians wear studded leather (if they can't
afford to go without).
- Brains wear leather (if they can't afford
- Loonies wear horse barding (if they can't
afford a horse).
- Munchkins wear Starship Trooper
powered armor (if they can't afford the invulnerable coat of
- Real Men don't use shields (can't wield a
- Thespians use bucklers.
- Brains use kite or heater shields.
- Loonies use a panty shield.
- Munchkins don't get the previous joke.
Favorite Mundane Mount
- Real Men ride heavy war horses.
- Thespians ride palfreys (with horse
- Brains ride superbly trained
- Loonies ride sheep.
- Munchkins ride heavy war tyrannosauri.
Favorite Special Mount
- Real Men ride griffons.
- Thespians ride unicorns.
- Brains ride pegasi.
- Loonies ride special sheep.
- Munchkins ride Sleipnir.
- Real Men have dogs. Big dogs.
- Thespians have ravens or black cats.
- Brains have owls and ferrets.
- Loonies have slugs and gully dwarves
- Munchkins have whatever gives the most
Favorite Specialist Mages
- Real Men play evokers or transmuters (if they
have to play a wizard).
- Thespians play diviners, abjurers, and
necromancers (because no one else will).
- Brains play conjurers and illusionists.
- Loonies play wild mages. Duh.
- Munchkins a multi-classed abjurer / conjurer
/ diviner / enchanter / illusionist / invoker / necromancer /
Favorite Wizard Spell
- Real Men cast fireball and
- Thespians cast cantrip to impress
- Brains cast any detect spell to stay
- Loonies cast Otto's irresistible
- Munchkins cast smite ruler and
transfer populace loyalties.
Favorite Priest Spell
- Real Men cast call lightning.
- Thespians cast commune.
- Brains cast heal.
- Loonies cast excommunication on the
other party members.
- Munchkins cast summon deity.
Favorite Psionic Discipline
- Real Men use body weaponry
- Thespians use probability
- Brains use probe.
- Loonies use telephone fraud.
- Munchkins use Scanners style
- Real Men are Lawful Good.
- Thespians don't use alignment.
- Brains are Neutral with Good tendencies.
- Loonies are Amoral Silly (oh, you meant the
- Munchkins are whatever gives the most
Favorite Religious-type Character
- Real Men play Paladins
- Thespians play Priests of Specific
- Brains multiclassed Clerics
- Loonies play Televangelists
- Munchkins play Demigods
Favorite Non-Human PC
- Real Men play dwarves.
- Thespians play custom races (like lizardmen
- Brains play elves.
- Loonies play a dwarf-elf halfbreed.
- Munchkins play deities.
Favorite Way of Extracting Information from the Goblins
- Real Men beat it out of them.
- Thespians pretend to be evil too, so they can
pump them in conversation.
- Brains threaten to cast speak with
dead (think about it).
- Loonies tell bad puns to them until they
- Munchkins peek behind the GM's shield.
- Real Men like balrogs.
- Thespians like Alu-Demons.
- Brains like Imps and Quasits.
- Loonies like Spiro Agnew
- Munchkins like whatever gives the most
- Real Men like Norse myths.
- Thespians like Celtic myths (because of its
connections to Arthurian legend)
- Brains like Greek myths.
- Loonies like Scientology.
- Munchkins like their past adventures.
Favorite Norse Deity
- Real Men worship Thor
- Thespians worship Frey
- Brains worship Odin
- Loonies worship Olaf & Lena
- Munchkins worship whoever gives the most
Favorite Greek/Roman Deity
- Real Men worship Mars or Hercules
- Thespians worship Apollo or Aphrodite
- Brains worship Athena or Hermes
- Loonies worship George Hamilton
- Munchkins worship whoever gives the most
Favorite Forgotten Realms Deity
- Real Men worship Tyr and Torm.
- Thespians worship Ilmatar or Shar.
- Brains worship Ogmha or Gond.
- Loonies worship Elminster -- personally.
- Munchkins worship whoever gives the most
Favorite Greyhawk Deity
- Real Men worship Heironeous or Hextor.
- Thespians worship Olidammara or
- Brains worship St. Cuthbert or Boccob.
- Loonies worship Zagyg.
- Munchkins worship Gary Gygax.
Favorite Miscellaneous Magic Item
- Real Men love Girdles of Giant Strength.
- Thespians love the Bag of Tricks.
- Brains love Heward's Handy Haversack.
- Loonies love Pinochle Decks of Many
- Munchkins love the Hand of Vecna or Iron
Flasks with gods in them.
- Real Men quaff potions of giant
strength or superheroism.
- Thespians quaff potions of animal
control or plant control.
- Brains quaff potions of healing and
- Loonies quaff potions of JELL-O.
- Munchkins quaff potions of deity
- Real Men wear rings of elemental
- Thespians wear rings of spell
turning or free action.
- Brains wear rings of regeneration or
- Loonies wear rings of smurf
- Munchkins wear the One Ring.
Favorite Stick (Rod/Staff/Wand)
- Real Men use rods of lordly
- Thespians use serpent staves.
- Brains use staves of the magi.
- Loonies use wands of wonder, for
- Munchkins use rods of Orcus.
When they encounter a sleeping dragon ...
- Real Men wake it up and then attack
- Thespians sneak away quietly.
- Brains stage a brilliant ambush, and plan
several escape routes.
- Loonies tie its shoelaces together.
- Munchkins have their 34th-level thief
backstab it with their +12 hackmaster, and then put all
its treasure in one backpack and walk away.
Favorite Town Activity
- Real Men drink ale in the tavern and start
- Thespians drink wine in the tavern and fish
for the latest gossip.
- Brains drink small beer in the tavern, then
inspect the rooms for security.
- Loonies order watermelon daquiris and start
- Munchkins ask "What's a town?".
Favorite Science Fiction Weapon
- Real Men use blasters and light sabers
- Thespians use archaic weapons to be
- Brains use stun guns and tangler
- Loonies use the wiggly-rays and light
grenades from Mom and Dad Save The Earth.
- Munchkins use whatever gives the most
Favorite Method of Handling Aliens
- Real Men drive off the Bug-Eyed Monsters
invading the Earth
- Thespians negotiate with the refugees from
the evil Empire
- Brains discover the enigmatic enemies'
biological Achilles heel.
- Loonies hitch a ride with Vogons.
- Munchkins invade the BEMs' home planet and
enslave them all.
Favorite Science Fiction Movie
Reason To Watch Star Wars
- Real Men watch it for the light-saber duels
- Thespians watch it for the Jedi
- Brains watch it to nitpick the science flaws
like sound in space.
- Loonies watch it for the Canteena
- Munchkins watch it to learn the Darth Vader
Neck Pinch (aka Force choke).
Favorite Method of Space Travel
- Real Men use Bussard Ramjets
- Thespians use hyperspace drives.
- Brains use cryogenic sublight ships.
- Loonies use the Infinite Improbability
- Munchkins push the button and it goes.
- Real Men like the Predator.
- Thespians like the Thing from Another
- Brains like the Moties.
- Loonies like the beach ball from Dark
- Munchkins like E.T.
Favorite Variant Human
- Real Men play Heavy Worlders
- Thespians play Belters.
- Brains play Gengineered Humans.
- Loonies play Pleasure Drones.
- Munchkins play rogue Paq Protectors.
- Real Men love the challenge of fighting the
- Thespians love the challenge of reacting to
- Brains love the challenge of avoiding the
- Loonies love the challenge of going insane as
soon as possible.
- Munchkins think you should be able to play
Great Old Ones.
- Real Men like Shotgun.
- Thespians like Mythos Knowledge -- but just a
- Brains like Library Use.
- Loonies like Head Butt.
- Munchkins like Credit Rating.
- Real Men don't believe in magic
- Thespians believe in magic, and know enough
not to use it.
- Brains cast Elder Sign
- Loonies cast Summon Smurf
- Munchkins cast Control Cthulhu
- Real Men like Deep Ones.
- Thespians don't like any of them.
- Brains like Nightgaunts (they don't kill
- Loonies like Masters of the Universe
- Munchkins like Cthulhu, for a pet.
Favorite Type of Character to Play
- Real Men play Private Investigators.
- Thespians play Dilettantes.
- Brains play Professors of Archaeology.
- Loonies play Red Indian Sex Maniacs.
- Munchkins play Magic-Users.
- Real Men think the weapons are OK, but hate
- Thespians think the campaigns are too
- Brains think the game is pointlessly
- Loonies think the game isn't funny
- Munchkins don't think the game is supposed to
Favorite Service Group
- Real Men like Armed Forces.
- Thespians like CPU.
- Brains like Tech Services.
- Loonies like R&D.
- Munchkins like IntSec.
Favorite Secret Society
- Real Men like PURGE.
- Thespians like Free Enterprise and Sierra
- Brains like Anti-Mutant and Frankenstein
- Loonies like Corpore Metal and Mystics.
- Munchkins like Psion.
Favorite Mutant Power
- Real Men like Adrenalin Control.
- Thespians like Hypersenses.
- Brains like Machine Intuition.
- Loonies like Project Total Chaos.
- Munchkins like characters with the
- Real Men like cone rifles.
- Thespians like laser pistols.
- Brains like gear gleaned from Outdoors.
- Loonies like chainsaws.
- Munchkins like Plasma Generators.
- Real Men shoot Commie Mutant Traitors.
- Thespians shoot the Loyalty Officer to
increase their survival chances.
- Brains shoot the Munchkins' characters.
- Loonies shoot anything fragile-looking.
- Munchkins shoot anything in sight, starting
with the other PCs.
- Real Men like to hunt down Commie Mutant
- Thespians like to try to survive the
- Brains like to explore Outdoors.
- Loonies like to place themselves under
surveillance and report hourly.
- Munchkins like to attack a rival Alpha
- Real Men think this is how the world
- Thespians think there's too much combat.
- Brains think there's too many bases to cover
in character creation.
- Loonies think it's a great system for
- Munchkins think starting characters don't
have enough points.
Favorite Character Type
- Real Men like Bricks.
- Thespians like Brooding Vigilantes.
- Brains like Gadgeteers.
- Loonies like Cream-Puff Projectors.
- Munchkins like the character suggestions in
the "Powergamer" section.
- Real Men like Armor
- Thespians like Telepathy.
- Brains like Telekinesis.
- Loonies like Instant Change, Usable Against
- Munchkins like all of them at the campaign
- Real Men like STR 20+
- Thespians like PRE 20+
- Brains like DEX 20+
- Loonies like COM 20+
- Munchkins like SPD 20+
- Real Men like Combat Skill Levels, Martial
Arts, and Weapon Familiarities.
- Thespians like Background Skills of all
- Brains like Inventor, Paramedic, and
- Loonies like Ventriloquism and Sleight of
- Munchkins like Overall Skill Levels, bought
through a Focus.
- Real Men like Combat Sense and Defense
- Thespians like Absolute Time, Bump of
Direction, and Perfect Pitch
- Brains like Lightning Calculator and
- Loonies like Immunity to Alchohol.
- Munchkins like Find Weakness, bought through
- Real Men like Vehicles.
- Thespians like Contacts -- lots of
- Brains like Wealth and Fringe Benefits.
- Loonies like Base, concealed in George
Washington's nostril at Mt. Rushmore.
- Munchkins like 4.5 billion Followers, bought
through a Focus.
- Real Men like Enraged.
- Thespians like Psychological
- Brains like Hunteds.
- Loonies like Dependency on Spinach Egg
- Munchkins like Reputation: Bad-Ass 14-
Favorite Power Limitation
- Real Men like Increased END.
- Thespians like Incantations and
- Brains like Focus and Requires Skill
- Loonies like No Conscious Control.
- Munchkins like IIF, Independent.
Favorite Villain to Face
- Real Men want to defeat Dr. Destroyer.
- Thespians want to defeat Black Paladin.
- Brains want to defeat Utility.
- Loonies want to defeat Foxbat, at Aspen.
- Munchkins want to defeat Tyrannon (all at
Favorite Villain Team to Face
- Real Men want to defeat Eurostar.
- Thespians want to defeat the mind-controlled
- Brains want to defeat PSI.
- Loonies want to defeat the Gweenies.
- Munchkins want to defeat the other PCs.
Tactics in Hostage Situations
- Real Men demonstrate what'll happen to
villians who injure hostages.
- Thespians engage in tense negotiations to
stall for time.
- Brains stage an illusion of the hostages
- Loonies taunt the villians.
- Munchkins waste the villians with their 10d6
Autofire Armor-Piercing Ranged Killing Attack, and use
Regeneration Usable by Others to heal the injured bystanders.
- Real Men think there aren't enough
- Thespians think there aren't enough
- Brains think there aren't enough
- Loonies think there aren't enough
- Munchkins think there aren't enough hit
- Real Men like Combat Reflexes, High Pain
Threshold and Toughness.
- Thespians like Charisma, Empathy, and
- Brains like Lightning Calculator, Unfazeable,
and Common Sense (not that they need it).
- Loonies like Luck, Absolute Timing and
- Munchkins like Magery 3, Patron (Superman),
and PK (80).
- Real Men like Gigantism and Berserk
- Thespians like Quirks.
- Brains like Age and Pacifism
- Loonies like Odious Personal Habits and
- Munchkins like Enemies and Dependents (for
- Real Men like Brawling, Two-Handed Sword,
Broadsword and Shield.
- Thespians like Acting, Bard, Diplomacy,
Fast-Talk, Merchant, Savoir-Faire and Streetwise.
- Brains like as many as possible at 1/2 point
- Loonies like to use all skills at a
default level of 5.
- Munchkins like Fast-Talk GM and Whine.
- Real Men don't use magic, but will let a mage
cast Hawk Flight on them so they can pursue the foe.
- Thespians cast Lend Language on the strangers
- Brains use the Improvised Magic rules.
- Loonies cast Mystic Mist in the town
- Munchkins cast Enslave on the city
- Real Men like Horseclans,
Wild West, and Special Ops.
- Thespians like Mecha,
Horror, and Illuminati.
- Brains like Space,
Ultra-Tech, and Time Travel.
- Loonies like IOU and
- Munchkins like Fantasy,
Supers, and Autoduel -- in the same
Rewrite Most Wanted
- Real Men want an update for GURPS High
- Thespians want a real
- Brains want a broader GURPS
- Loonies want GURPS Toon.
- Munchkins want GURPS War of the
Cthorr to include rules for Cthorr PCs.
- Real Men dislike the Superhero Code enforced
by the government.
- Thespians get bored playing themselves all
- Brains enjoy the implicit invitation to
rewrite the rules.
- Loonies try to represent themselves at their
- Munchkins are above the Superhero Code
Favorite Character Type
- Real Men play 600 pound Bricks.
- Thespians play telepaths.
- Brains play gadgeteers
- Loonies play insane androids.
- Munchkins play alien sorcerers.
- Real Men like Invulnerability and Armor
- Thespians like Psionics.
- Brains like Armor B and Animal Powers.
- Loonies like Mutant Power.
- Munchkins like Power Absorption.
Favorite Ability Score
- Real Men like Endurance.
- Thespians like Intelligence
- Brains like Inventor points.
- Loonies like Charisma.
- Munchkins like Agility.
- Real Men like Mute.
- Thespians like Physical Handicap.
- Brains like Reduced Charisma
- Loonies like Psychosis.
- Munchkins What weaknesses?
Favorite Battle Tactics
- Real Men pound villains into the ground or
- Thespians wear their opponents down before
finishing them off.
- Brains prey on their opponents' mandatory
- Loonies dump a bucket of Cool Whip on a
villain's head and talk about Planet of the Apes.
- Munchkins negate their friend's attacks so
they get all the experience themselves.
Favorite Combat Maneuver
- Real Men like the Fastball Special.
- Thespians like to trick villains into
attacking each other instead of the heroes.
- Brains like to sneak around and attack from
- Loonies like multiple Back Attacks.
- Munchkins like multiple Weakness
Favorite Member of the Crushers
- Real Men like Mace.
- Thespians like Shocker.
- Brains like Marionette.
- Loonies like Mocker.
- Munchkins like Temper.
Favorite Member of the Crusaders
- Real Men like Enforcer.
- Thespians like Dreamweaver.
- Brains like Manta Man
- Loonies like Blizzard.
- Munchkins think the Crusaders are wimps.
- Real Men can't believe how underpowered all
the weapons are.
- Thespians like the explicit rules on and
bonuses for running Subplots.
- Brains dislike the abstracted
- Loonies like the stats for the Zoo Crew they
downloaded from the 'Net.
- Munchkins can't believe what a wimp Doomsday
- Real Men like STR.
- Thespians like INFL.
- Brains like INT.
- Loonies like SPIRIT.
- Munchkins like all of them at 40 APs
- Real Men like Invulnerability.
- Thespians like Awareness.
- Brains like Danger Sense.
- Loonies like Dumb Luck.
- Munchkins like all of them at 40 APs.
Favorite Multi-Purpose Power
- Real Men like Force Manipulation.
- Thespians like Sorcery.
- Brains like Omni-Gadgets.
- Loonies like Omni-Arm and Self-Linked
- Munchkins already have all the
Powers at 40 APs.
- Real Men like Martial Arts and
- Thespians like Charisma and Occultism.
- Brains like Scientist, Detective, and
- Loonies like Artist(Dancer) and
- Munchkins don't know why you'd want Skills
when you can have Powers.
- Real Men like Lightning Reflexes.
- Thespians like Omni-Connection.
- Brains like Scholar.
- Loonies like the other PCs as Pets.
- Munchkins like Buddy: Yuga Khan.
- Real Men like Mistrust and Rage.
- Thespians like Irrational Attractions and
- Brains like Vulnerabilities and Secret
- Loonies like Strange Appearance and
- Munchkins never take Drawbacks.
- Real Men like Seeking Justice.
- Thespians like Unwanted Power.
- Brains like Upholding the Good.
- Loonies like Thrill of Adventure.
- Munchkins don't take a Motivation since
there's no game effect.
Favorite Subplot Type
- Real Men like Enemies Subplots.
- Thespians like Romantic Subplots.
- Brains like Power Complication Subplots.
- Loonies like meddling with other PCs'
- Munchkins like Apotheosis Subplots.
- Real Men like the fact that you can play a
Troll with an ammo dump on its back.
- Thespians like the way fantasy influences
tinge the oppressive angst with optimism.
- Brains like the various multiple levels of
strategic challenges (combat, magic, decking).
- Loonies like the fashion sense.
- Munchkins like the small, easy-to-count
- Real Men like Street Samurai and
- Thespians like Shamans and Detectives.
- Brains like Deckers and Combat Mages.
- Loonies like Rockers and Street Kids.
- Munchkins like Insect Shamans.
- Real Men like Trolls.
- Thespians like Orcs.
- Brains like Elves.
- Loonies like Sasquatch.
- Munchkins like Free Spirits.
- Real Men like the Ares Predator II with
- Thespians like the Ares Viper with flechette
- Brains like the Steyr "kit gun" with standard
- Loonies like the Soakmaster 3000 with scented
- Munchkins like the Panther Assault Cannon
with a 1000 round belt of APDS ammunition.
Favorite Melee Weapon
- Real Men like Combat Axes.
- Thespians like Katanas
- Brains like Shock Clubs.
- Loonies like Monofilament shoelaces
- Munchkins like a Monofilament whip in each
- Real Men install Cyberspurs and Dermal
- Thespians install as little cyberwear as
- Brains install Datajacks, Encephalons, and
- Loonies install voice amplifiers and video
- Munchkins install everything as
- Real Men implant Adrenal Pumps and Muscle
- Thespians implant Tailored Pheremones.
- Brains Superthyroid Glands and Cerebral
- Loonies implant Toxin Exhalers with garlic
- Munchkins implant everything as
- Real Men like Increased Strength +4
- Thespians like Analyze Item
- Brains like Personal Combat Sense
- Loonies like Domestic Renewal
- Munchkins like Control Seattle.
- Real Men live Street.
- Thespians live Luxury (if they can afford
- Brains live Medium.
- Loonies live Squatter.
- Munchkins don't have a life outside the
- Real Men like Earth Elementals.
- Thespians like Watchers.
- Brains like Ally spirits.
- Loonies like the Trolley-Car City
- Munchkins like Insect Spirits.
- Real Men like Griffons
- Thespians like Dragons
- Brains like Vampires
- Loonies like Smurfs
- Munchkins like Greater Dragons under
Cybernetic Control Collars
- Real Men fight their way past the corporate
stooges of Aztechnology.
- Thespians negotiate fragile arrangements with
local organized crime.
- Brains create intricate strategies for
cracking the ice on the Fuchi Star.
- Loonies make deals with dragons.
- Munchkins kill all the Big 10 CEOs and
confiscate their stock.
- Real Men love the multitude of hardcore
- Thespians like the game setting and wish it
was written deeper, not broader.
- Brains hate having to keep up with all the
supplementary material and bad editing.
- Loonies were responsible for the bad
- Munchkins love the fact that they can play
Vampires and Dragons.
Favorite (Human) O.C.C.
- Real Men play Full Conversion Borgs,
Headhunters, or Glitterboys.
- Thespians play Cyber-Knights, Coalition
Officers, or Rogue Scholars
- Brains play Line-Walkers, Techno-Mages, or
- Loonies play Juicers and Crazies (duh!)
- Munchkins play Vampire Juicers (in Glitterboy
- Real Men play Bursters
- Thespians play Dog-Boys
- Brains play Mind Melters
- Loonies play Teenage Mutant Ninja
- Munchkins play Servants of Splugorth (in
Favorite Personal Weapon
- Real Men like NG Ion Blasters and Pump
- Thespians like Pre-Rifts archaic weapons
(because they're stylish).
- Brains like variable-frequency lasers.
- Loonies like the Wilks Laser Torch.
- Munchkins like Glitterboy Boomguns.
Favorite Heavy Weapon
- Real Men like Railguns (especially
- Thespians like plasma cannons.
- Brains like missiles.
- Loonies like the Wilks Laser Torch.
- Munchkins like shoulder-mounted adult
- Real Men use Robot Armors.
- Thespians ride animals.
- Brains use four-wheel drive vehicles.
- Loonies ride piggyback.
- Munchkins use Coalition Death's Head
Why they fight the Coalition
- Real Men do it to prove their manhood
- Thespians do it to make a difference
- Brains do it because "They said it can't be
- Loonies do it to wedgie the Deadboys.
- Munchkins do it so they can replace the
Favorite Geographic Zone
- Real Men live in Germany/Northern Gun.
- Thespians live in Chi-Town.
- Brains live in Atlantis or the Vampire
- Loonies live in Waikiki Beach.
- Munchkins live in Prosek's palace.
Star Trek: The Roleplaying
- Real Men like away team action.
- Thespians like meeting strange new life and
- Brains like coming up with rubber science
- Loonies like conspiring to get their shirts
torn off in every adventure.
- Munchkins like all the advantages being on a
starship gives you over primitive planets.
- Real Men enter Security.
- Thespians enter Command.
- Brains enter Science.
- Loonies enter Cooking.
- Munchkins just give themselves all the
- Real Men like Personal Combat, Unarmed.
- Thespians like Negotiation.
- Brains like Sciences, and as many as
- Loonies like Carousing.
- Munchkins just give themselves all the
- Real Men like Klingons.
- Thespians like Tellarites.
- Brains like Vulcans.
- Loonies like Horta.
- Munchkins like Romulans.
Favorite Original Series Character
- Real Men like James T. Kirk.
- Thespians like Dr. McCoy.
- Brains like Mr. Spock.
- Loonies like the Tribbles.
- Munchkins like Trelane.
Favorite Next Generation Character
- Real Men like Worf.
- Thespians like Picard.
- Brains like Data.
- Loonies like Wesley (no, really!).
- Munchkins like Q.
- Real Men: "To boldly go where no man has gone
- Thespians: "Infinite Diversity in Infinite
- Brains: "It's life, but not as we know
- Loonies: "You there, have you ever even
kissed a girl?"
- Munchkins: We come in peace, shoot to
- Real Men like Phasers.
- Thespians like Communicators (and habitually
mime the flip/tap).
- Brains like Tricorders.
- Loonies like Tribbles.
- Munchkins like Redshirts.
- Real Men are ready for any war, even one as
wierd as this.
- Thespians are too busy reading the campaign
material to learn the rules.
- Brains love the planning possibilities (no
pun intended) of interacting card play.
- Loonies are waiting for the cartoon reality
cosm to land.
- Munchkins wonder where the rules on becoming
High Lord are.
- Real Men like Tharkold and the Land
- Thespians like Nippon Tech and the Nile
- Brains like the Cyberpapacy and Aysle.
- Loonies like Core Earth, preferably their own
- Munchkins like the Space Gods realm, since
it's the only place their shapeshifting Tharkoldu
ninja/mage/priest with psionic powers doesn't cause a
Usual Time to Spend a Possibility
- Real Men spend them to reduce damage.
- Thespians spend them to spark tales of
- Brains spend them to buy new skills.
- Loonies spend them to avoid contradiction
with the Humor axiom.
- Munchkins want to spend them on every action,
and think the GM is holding back when they run out.
- Real Men like Adrenaline, Hero, and
- Thespians like Presence, Connection, and
- Brains like Willpower, Supporter, and
- Loonies like the blank cards. You don't want
to know what they put on them.
- Munchkins like Glory cards, since they get to
use so many more of them.
Favorite Template (Core Earth)
- Real Men play Soldiers of Fortune and
- Thespians play Doubting Clerics and Tribal
- Brains play Covert Operatives and Adventurous
- Loonies play Inquisitive Stalengers and
- Munchkins play Delphi Councilors.
Favorite Template (Orrorsh)
- Real Men play Shapeshifters and Regimental
- Thespians play Sacellum Priests and Gaean
- Brains play Vampyre Hunters and Gaean
- Loonies play Victorian Lunatics.
- Munchkins can't play in Orrorsh -- they keep
losing all their characters to the Power of Corruption.
Favorite Template (Aysle)
- Real Men play Barbarian Warriors and
- Thespians play Knights and Elf Monks.
- Brains play Curious Mages and Dwarven
- Loonies play Street Thieves and Giant
- Munchkins play Dragons.
Favorite Template (Nile Empire)
- Real Men play Amazons and Tough Heroes.
- Thespians play Mystery Men and Private
- Brains play Gadget Heroes and
- Loonies play Annoying Sidekicks.
- Munchkins play Egyptian Gods.
Favorite Template (Living Land)
- Real Men play Renegade Eidenos.
- Thespians play Stalenger Optants.
- Brains play Core Earth characters.
- Loonies play Benthe if they can get away with
- Munchkins play sentient dinosaurs.
Favorite Template (Nippon Tech)
- Real Men play Rijato Armored Warriors.
- Thespians play Priests of Palan.
- Brains play Disgruntled Corporates.
- Loonies play Timmy from the Gamera
- Munchkins play Rijato Armored Ninja
Favorite Template (Space Gods)
- Real Men play Lorbaat Warriors.
- Thespians play Coar Council Members.
- Brains play Akite Bioengineers.
- Loonies play Akite Bioengineering.
- Munchkins play the Comaghaz Virus.
Favorite Template (Tharkold)
- Real Men play Race Soldiers.
- Thespians play Demon Scholars.
- Brains play Student Hackers.
- Loonies play Renegade Infilitrators (with
really atrocious Austrian accents).
- Munchkins play Tharkoldu Princes.
Favorite Subplot Cards
- Real Men like Nemesis.
- Thespians like Romance (of course).
- Brains like Martyr, because there's a
- Loonies like the Campaign card, preferably
tossed on another character.
- Munchkins don't understand the concept of
Subplot cards, but wasn't it neat when Joe played the Martyr card
so he's not a rival anymore?
And finally, the best
characterization of the four types of gamers ...
How to Deal with a Dragon
- Real Men slay it. Preferably alone and with
bare hands.(is this a trick question or what?)
- Thespians talk to it. Preferably at length,
on any number of topics. (This has got to be a trick question,
- Brains trick it out of its treasure, leaving
the dragon (and the GM) thinking it got the better deal.
- Loonies try to charm it by scratching it
behind the ears.
- Munchkins kill it, make armor out of the
hide, and then resurrect it as a familiar.
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