by Fugli


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You might be a gamer if...

...loosing your dice bag would be a serious financial blow. could paper you bathroom in character sheets. could paper your bathroom in different versions of just ONE character. are unable to walk past the latest TSR supplement without leafing through it, even though you know it's going to be bad. have more entertaining "No-shit,-there-I-was-in-a-game" stories than you do anecdotes about your family. talk about your characters as if they are real people. alternate between referring to your characters in the first and the third person.

... and none of your friends gets confused.'ve ever spent a significant fraction of your life modifying game rules that you didn't like... and, as soon as the system worked to your satisfaction, discarded it.

...when someone says "The blue books," you don't automatically picture the kind that they give you during a college final exam. worship idols of Gary Gygax in your basement. burn Gary Gygax in effigy in your back yard. will not buy comic books with the Dragon Strike (tm) logo on the back.'ve ever seen the old AD&D tv series.'re still reading this list. hang out with people you actively dislike because they give good role-play.'ve ever gotten into a screaming match over something that happened in a game... (You are so dead! I am not dead!)'ve ever neglected to buy the new edition of your favorite game because you already have three. have more than one photocopied bootleg of a gaming text. keep old characters around just in case someone might run that system again. (Never mind that its TS:SI)

...You knew what I meant when I said TS:SI. have a PhD in manipulating point systems to the best effect, even though you failed high school geometry. can consume your body weight in junk food in one gaming session. have been known to drive to far away places where you paid enormous amounts of money for the privelege of sleeping on floors, eating crap, buying little pewter statues of Gandalf, and meeting dozens of psychopathic members of the alternate (or similar) sex who will follow you around for months, merely for the pleasure of playing with gamers you don't know.

...and then signed up en masse with all of you friends to play in games with game masters who you've known since high school. own your own weight in gaming books.

...the owners of local hobby stores take your checks without ID because they know where you live. can do AD&D money conversions in your head. could wallpaper you bedroom in Dragon Mirths (tm). consider the demise of "What's New With Phil & Dixie" a blow to great literature. consider the resurrection of "What's New With Phil & Dixie" the redeeming feature of Magic:The Gathering. consider the 20th century a state of mind. have a random NPC generator, written in BASIC, designed to run on the TRS-80 or the Commodore 64.'ve ever designed your own character sheets. can be more that three NPCs at the same time without generating more than reasonable confusion in your players. have ever played a Dwarven character who did not have "axe" or "beard" ANYWHERE in his or her name. know how to sex dwarves. (chromosome typing- required a blood sample. I'M not getting it...)'ve ever tried to explain gaming to a school counselor, parent, or other PW/OC (Person With/Out Clue).'ve suceeded.'ve played Talisman more than once.'ve finished a game of Talisman.

...more than once.'re STILL reading this list. can quote extensively from the Wandering Damage Tables.'ve mistaken a d12 or a double d10 for a d20 while playing AD&D and had a THAC0 low enough to hit the 8HD monster, anyway... understood that. carry AD&D insurance.

...your AC is so low that even you can't hit yourself. 87 point Balrog is no big thrill anymore. bring your dicebag even to diceless roleplaying events.'ve ever discovered, after gaming with your significant other, that you like their character better than you do them. have friends or acquaintances who regularly refer to you as "Og." (Or something similar.)'ve ceased responding to your birth name. spend more money on dice than on food. sometimes forget what century this is.

...your first response to any frustrating situation is, "I bash it with my axe." know a lot of gaming jokes that used to be funny once.

...your friend(s) who does not game feels very left out of all of your conversations. have more gaming books than the local hobby store.'ve discovered that spare dice make good beanbag filler. knew that that last question was a ringer: who has more dice than they can use? have a copy of "Dark Dungeons" kicking around somewhere because a: you thought it was funny b: your parents got concerned that you were living in a fantasy realm.'re sort of dissapointed that you haven't reached the level where they start teaching you the real spells (as described in the above "Dark Dungeons" pamphlet) yet: You're sure you must be a high enough level.'ve been gaming for more than half of your life. still laugh when someone says "Hey, Dave, I think the barbarian in the corner wants another beer."

...the phrase "Collect Call of Cthulhu" brings back fond memories. can quote the whole "Trolls! Mutants! Trolls! Mutants!" strip from "what's New With Phil & Dixie." knew a female gamer once. were a female gamer once. tend to play characters as different from you in race, religion, sex, sexual orientation, and what have you as possible, just to confuse your friends.'ve been known to have in-depth conversations about the relative merits of Champions, V&V, Marvel, and DC heroes... ignoring the fact that all superhero systems are intrinsically like one of the above systems enough that you yelped when I called them all, "sucky."'ve thought of four or five additions to this list. actually bought TSR's "Dungeoneer's Survival Guide" when it first came out.'ve ever tried to discover the strengths and weaknesses of a haemophiliac werewolf.

...someone is attempting to explain the floorplan of a building to you and you immediately start thinking in terms of 10X10 squares.

...or 6'x6' hexes.

...your first though upon walking into a friend's domicile is to reflect on where you'd put the machine-gun nest. and your friends have spent a screening of "The Crow" assigning vampire clans to the various characters. actually wear that little ankh that comes in the Vampire Live-Action everyday life.'ve ever gotten wierd looks from other customers at places like Denny's or IHOP because of the nature of your conversations.

...a friend of yours screws something up and you respond with, "looks likeyou failed your ______ roll."'ve actually paid to have custom fangs made. wear these fangs in everyday life (not to mention Renaissance festivals).'ve ever argued against a combat rule based on your experience in the SCA/Military/Police, etc. have a dozen things in mind for when you come across a magic lamp.

- when you talk about the "good old days" you mean when games cost $12 and came with their own dice.

...If you played a different game every night, you'd need a fifty-day week to use your RPG collection to its full extent.

...The six-siders in your dice bag have been worn down to the point that they look like 20-siders.

...your car and/or home is falling apart, you're wearing the same clothes you wore in the 1980's, and you miss meals regularly, but you've got the money in the bank for the next year's worth of <insert favorite gamecompany>'s products.

...If your computer broke down, your biggest worry is how you'd print out your character sheets. can cite the differences between "official" Star Trek, and FASA Star Trek, and Star Fleet Battles.

...your character has more close friends than you do. have more Star Frontiers modules than you have close friends. could write a biography of your character easier than you couldwrite your own autobiography. think that such a biography WOULD BE an autobiography. can't find your favorite shirt, but you know where all the dice that came with your first D&D set are. remember when games gave you tips on "inking" dice with crayon. can give no fewer than six different speeches on "what is roleplaying?", verbatim, from the introductions to different games.'ve bought a game even though you didn't like the genre or the rules, so that you could fix the rules and convert them to a different genre.'ve looked into how much it would cost to build a castle

...there is virtually no game that you can't name the genre, company, or country of origin for (Hunter Planet, anyone?).

...your most important criteria for a mate is that they're a gamer, too.'re a hetero male and you've considered changing orientation just to find a mate to meet that criterion (that's a word, right?).'ve ever written a speech for your character to make just in case he should find himself in such a situation. remember when all games referred to characters as "he".

...your idea of a fun Friday night consists of getting the gang together and playing for eight or more hours.

...the only reason you want a lake cabin is so you and the gang can go up there and play non-stop all weekend without any distractions. finally get to the point where you look at everything on the shelves and say "*I* can do a better job than these bozos!" actually get a chance to do just that.

...and you succeed!

...everything you see, hear, or taste translates into some form of stats for a game. ("Wow! That move was cool...that means he's got Swing Sword +20 and Look Cool In Armor +15.") write a parody of the RPG industry, and it's also a game.

...and one of the companies you slam picks it up for its "Mature" imprint and distributes it gleefully. go into business as a consultant on the RPG industry.

...and you actually are *hired*! (Neener-neener!) branch out from RPGs into the stuff that game was derived from so you make better sense of the bloody thing. (Gamers-turned-Otaku, Gamers-turned-occultists, Gamers-turned-goths, Gamers-turned-military personel, Gamers-turned-martial artists, etc.)

...and you *still* don't stop playing! (Loyal man! I like you!) remember when there was none of this "no exclusively (fe)male viewpoint" bullshit.

...or when there was none of this "no cussing" crap either make up songs like "Livin in the Kaer" and "Fun Fun Fun (Till the Horror took her Free Will Away)"'ve written character histories that are longer than most novels...

...For Paranoia Characters. Watch war documentaries with GURPS Vehicles so you can tell how much damage the 4-inch Naval Gun using an APX shell does. spend five hours converting Modern Aircraft, when you run a fantasy campaign. can quote the exact chance of a 1st-level Mage defeating an Umber hulk from memory, though a Voydanoi takes a little work. break your leg, but insist on using a 'Recovery Test' before calling the ambulance. have a list of what all the potions taste like.

...your resume describes you as a '5th-Level Civil Engineer'

...Drac's Raving at you.'ve figured out that the Average AD&D Great Wyrm Red Dragon has 7 cubic feet of treasure. Demand Experience points after winning a fist fight. have a nickname that makes no sense because one of your characters had it. Buy Dragon Magazine "For the Articles." Worship TSR. Detest TSR.'ve ever constructed yourself as a character.'ve got more tables than all the restaurants in town. know how to use dice as weapons. use phrases like 'Save vs. Graduation or go insane for 1d4 days.' know how many hit points every member of your family has. know that you can fit 20 d4's together to make a large d20 becauseyou've actually tried it. are not cleared for this information.'re up until 5:30 in the morning posting to remember when White Dwarf was an AD&D magazine. bought a copy of the French-language edition of Dragon, even though you can't read French, because it had Second Edition rules for the Anti-Paladin class, and even though you don't like the class, you know that having that issue will really annoy the Anti-Paladin fans in your gaming club. remember GenCon in tents. collect things shaped liked dice or with dice in them (drink stirrers, pens with dice-in-water in the end, brass dice sets, dice bookends...) still have a set of dice-shaped cushions made as a gesture of understanding by your mom

...when you finally settle down with a loved one and build a home, you insist on designing a Gaming Room into the house

...and getting the stamped concrete patio done in hexagons own "Intoduction to Traveller"

...or the Traveller Supplement "Forms and Charts" know which number Supplement that last one was know which Sci-Fi novel series was the inspiration for Traveller's Imperium don't just have maps of places that don't exis've had at least one of them made into a Globe collect building plans (viewed from above) to use as Site Maps for games have examples of weapons from your games in the house - "so the players can't argue about how heavy/long/clumsy/etc they are..." buy CDs of specific music (or sounds) just to use as backgroundatmosphere for gaming have a place where the paraphernalia of your gaming youth is displayed for the curious as a sort of shrine to "the good old days" have three or more dice-boxes (one in use, the others retired,holding seldom-used (or antique, faithful) dice, or doing duty on the Gaming Shrine [above]) can remember where at least three Gaming shops USED to be locatedin your town/city, before they moved, were demolished or disappeared whoop with joy on rolling a 20 for hit location with a Gauss Rifle on your first hit on an opponent know which game that must be in know the TWO meanings of the term "AC20" keep custom clipboards (or similar contrivances) in the house for your gaming pals to keep their character sheets on when they come over

...your memories of the best times your character(s) had when living their game-lives are sweeter and more worth retelling than the best times you had in your actual youth (partially because you were too busy gaming - and writing rules expansions you hardly used - to get out and have a life)'ve ever written to a game designer personally

...they replied!'ve phoned a game designer to chat about a game of theirs and where it's going's a game they haven't even released yet own a pin-on badge that says "Incoming Fire Has The Right Of Way" still have the original three-booklet set of Traveller

...AND the box it came in

...OR the booklet-form of D&D (before the hardbound version hit the streets) feel that Gaming has played a part in your developing a personal philosophy

...your life-philosophy manifests as your taking Gaming seriously while taking most of the rest of life light-heartedly - the complete opposite to the way most of society seems to work

...your spouse/partner agrees with the rest of society and wishes you would take life as seriously as you do Gaming get $30.00 in a surprise windfall, and spend it on that supplement that you noted was at the local store.

...if you purposely stashed the supplement behind/near/out of its normal place so that nobody else buys it out from under you.'ve moved the above back to your special hiding spot after store personnel reshelve it.'ve thought about designing a game, and actually wrote more than 20 or so pages.

...and self-published it!

...all of oyur friends say, "You should start a game company." do, and they end up working for you, until they leave to start their own. find yourself teaching new players the ropes so often, you now have a down-pat speech, readily translatable to any game system for newcomers. have no non-gamer friends, or you limit contact with such people.

..when describing a game scenario with your pals, you get real excited,waving your arms, drawing a crowd. Phrases like, "Man, we %^&*$%^wasted 'em! Took out the tank with an RPG, then L-T was rocking out onthe '60..." everything goes fine, as the crowd draws near, wanting to hear more, until you say, "Then I took a round, BLAM! 45 H.P." And thecrowd leaves, saying, "Oh, it was ONLY A GAME." get mad, BECAUSE YOU WERE THERE, DAMMIT! don't think anything is wrong with the previous statement. use issues of Guns & Ammo for the tech specs on your latest weapon supplement you're adding to your game. know the BattleTech Hit location charts from memory, so that you don't need to use 'em anymore. fact, you know 'em so well, THE GROUP doesn't use 'em any more, THEY USE YOU.

...when someone asks you, "Level Three fall, what's the piloting skillmod?", you know what they mean., reading this, know what it means. not only know what it means, but can yell out what page it is on.

...and you're correct!

...and you get mad when somebody checks up on you, to see if it was the right page!'ve learned more about space, and science fiction from playingtraveller, rather than watching COSMOS by Carl Sagan, like everybody else.'re in the military, and the best tactics you've got came from your pre-military gaming days (or they improve daily, in continuing nightly sessions at the barracks/ship/base/etc.) know more military tactics and strategy than most officers at your military post.

...than ALL of the officers at your local military post.

...COMBINED! know more than three definitions of the acronym RPG. were around when SPI was. KNOW what SPI was. still have some of their games around. know what AH stands for, and have copies of any of the following: U-BOAT, MIDWAY, GETTYSBURG.

... and they're less than 10 years older than you are. were around when the only games out were CHAINMAIL, METAMORPHOSIS ALPHA, GAMMA WORLD 1st ed., and TRAVELLER.

...and you bought 'em, cause they were "What the cool grown-up college kids were playing."

...and you still have 'em.

...IN THE ORIGINAL BOXES! know the real tragic truth about Dallas Egbert.

...and you learned it by reading the book on it, "The Dungeon Master."'d rather game that visit your boy/girl friend.

...that's how you met them.

...and then got married.

...and got divorced, OVER GAMES! see a car crash, or accident on T.V., and scream, "Oooh, CRIT!"'ve said, "Roll initiative" more times than you've sung your countries' national anthem. tried gaming outside, for that "Natural, Woodland Atmosphere."Ahhh.

...until you found out the wind blew all of your maps/character sheets away.

...and you felt that they were so irreplaceable, you chased afterthem, tripped on a root, fell, and split open your knee.

... while your friends were yelling stuff like, "Cleric, bind wounds!Cure Light! Etc."

...and you thought it was funny.'re STILL reading this list!'re REALLY thinking of adding to this list, now.'ve actually played a halfling, but kept telling everybody you were a "Hobbit." read the issue of Phil & Dixie, about, "Hey, the phone is circular-metal-banding!"

...and you thought it was funny.

. . . You think that that the D&D progression is Basic, Expert, Advanced.

...after your GM sort of explains what thet monster looks like you know your exact roll needed to hit and how much damage it can take know how to roll the dice to get any number you want don't need any gaming books because you have every detail memorized

...but you always keep two copies handy just in case keep up with your character's kingdom's politics more carefully than your own country's scream in pain whenever your character takes damage know all the exact somatic and verbal components of your wizard's spells keep a copy of your character in your wallet

...your GM thinks you live in his house

...your GM thinks you're married to him

...your characer has killed more than one Tarrasque get your friends and your character's friends mixed up

...after a fist fight you search whoever you knocked out've ever played your defiler in the Tank Girl R.P.G.'ve ever played the Tank Girl R.P.G. were highly offended by that last comment've played The Wizard's Challenge more than once created a random die generator in DOS using BASIC commands

...any of your characters has ever broken a staff of power or a staff of the magi for a retributive strike

...and lived changed your name so that your initials read R.P.G. ever started a character as evil missed the O.J. Simpson trial because you were on this really long adventure of your wizards has ever roasted another person's characer with afireball, then commented, "Hey, he was a dwarf. He didn't need that extra constitution point anyway've ever had a character named Rath or Delsenora've ever played as the player and the GM because no one was around to play with own the Japaneese version of any of the Final Fantasy series read the entire Encyclopedia Magica set know what a claymore is and what it looks like

...your characer has created more spells than TSR have the BATTLESYSTEM rules memorized have the BATTLESYSTEM rules have the SPELLJAMMER rules memorized have the SPELLJAMMER rules have the Players Option rules memorized have had more than one paladin character wonder why I didn't just write: you have the Players Options rules understand the Rift alignment rules and actually use them've named EVERY one of your dice. remember all their names. realized that there ain't that many names in the world.

...when people talk about AC Adaptors, you misinterpret the meaning.

...It need to budget your money in gaming sessions.

...The constant squinting and reading during gaming sessions has made you permanantely nearsighted.'ve ever spent more time in a single gaming session than a JerryLewis Marathon. do this regularly.'ve ever taught your children to read using your game books.

...your collection of gaming books are worth more to you than your car.

...your House

...your Firstborn child learned about sex during your gaming sessions.'ve screamed at the TV "Hey, He can't do that, he didn't have the right material components.'ve ever had your character create bateries for the Laser pistol in the Robe of Useless Items've played Raistlin've played Raistlin and kicked Takhisis' butt've played mages far more powerful than Raistlin (the wuss) don't give a sh*t about Raistlin, Tanis was far more interesting. know what I'm talking about've ever bought really old and crap games simply for their historic value as collector's items've written for an gaming fanzine've published a gaming fanzine

...and it lasted more than one issue

...and it made money're getting more and more worried the further you go down this list,because it's getting closer and closer to reality

...or you weren't worried before, but after reading the above, you are now watched the film The Fifth Element and knew the answer to the final puzzle stright away. did everyone you went to see it with can remember the uproar over "Mazes and Monsters". were upset when "Wormy" disappeared, even if you didn't understand what it was about. get annoyed in action movies because "my character certainly wouldn't have done that!" were torn between a desire to preserve your Dragon magazines and rip off their covers for wall art. have worked out what Runequest cult Xena belongs to saw Starship Troopers and wondered why they didn't use FGMP's and Battle Dress know what a FGMP is refer to the "Law Level" of your city go to the domestic airport to get a flight and tell people "I am goingto the C class starport" played the mini solo adventures to T& Goblin Lake thought the pictures in S1 enhanced the experience of the module...even the sliding into the burning pit one now wear glasses cause you read the original C&C rules understand what Arduin was about...and used it used a copy of the character sheet that came with Space Opera have realised that you are getting older because your V&V character is now not as effective in physical stats call your ATM card a cred chip

...when you go onto the freeway you refer to it as entering jump worry about mining operations in Antarctica, not because of the environmental damage but that they could awaken the Elder Things've ever written out the IQ, ME, MA, PS, PP, PE, PB, and Spd of your real-life friends, and yourself.'ve ever assigned skills and proficiency levels to your friends andyourself.'ve spent weeks practicing at the gun range just so you too could have Weapon Proficiency: Automatic Pistol. stalk the streets at night, hoping to steal someone's PPE. of your characters has died of old age. can quote from the Recollections of Erin Tarn.'re afraid the Coalition will steal your dog and send him to Lone Star. joined the SCA, but nobody will fight you because you insist that their SDC weapons have no effect on your armor. divorced your wife/husband because the two of you have different alignments. wrote a book containing all the spells your characters have created.

...said book has been published.'ve ever attacked a neighbor's lawn gnomes because they resembled those dwarves that betrayed you in your last campaign bring a sleeping bag, twigs, flint, tinder, and Dale's Wonder Sword Polish! to every game just for the 'authenticity''ve ever written a fully comprehensive item, weapon, and clothing guide with complete cross-referencing by size, weight, and color, including an easily understood random roll listing

...and never used it, because you made the list from memory believe the sole purpose of learning algebra is to figure out easier ways to calculate HP while taking into account armour weight, dexterity, constitution, and the gravitational pull on the shield, all at the same time understood that.'ve ever screamed, "NO! DON'T OPEN THAT DOOR!" and duckedbehind a lamp because someone didn't do a Detect Traps check.

...your excuse for failing a test is your Int. roll sucked

...your friends stare at everything you give them, whether it be food, paper, or moldy grapes you found in the bottom of your refrigerator, becausethey know you are prone to putting clues to future puzzles on the oddest things've ever found yourself sitting on the floor in a dark room, surrounded by people you don't know, playing a game you've never heard of,with a character you made three minutes before hand, and yet you can still quote the character names, stats, and weaponry of everyone in the room

...your campaigns are a mix of five different games with rules, weapons, and races from all of them

...and your player's don't notice insist of making Charisma checks before flirting with someone

...your parameters for respecting someone are their Charisma and the ArmourClass have no clue what your best friend's real name because you met him/her in a game refer to your teachers as 'Sir' and 'Milady' never answer a question on a test without attempting to summon the Mirmir knew what that was've ever created your own faction've ever openly advocated your faction've ever gotten into an argument with your character because you want a Grapple and she wants a Particle Beam Blaster

...and lost've ever attacked a complete stranger because your faction regarded theirs as "threatening"'ve ever gone through an entire day speaking in gibberish because your Babble spell didn't get canceled before the game ended

...when your character dies, you hold a full-service funeral and morn for at least two weeks before creating another.

...your pets only respond to you when you act in character.

...nachoes become fine cuisine. actually create languages for games just so you can get the feeling of talking to real elves.

...your excuse for everything wrong in your life is that your GM hates you. feel guilty if you have more than one character at a time.

...your character gets more mail than you do. don't realize that the dragon you fought is not an excuse for being late.

...your internal clock is set to the game time.

...your best threat is that you will send your character to cast "Beffudle" on someone and them use "Binding" to hold him over a Pit of Orcs. cut yourself everytime your character gets injured. (Actually, that's boredering on dimensia)'ve memorized where all of the towns and castles are in your campaign, but can't even tell someone where Canada is. panic because you only have 10 bags of Cheetos left.

...every time you meet someone, you almost introduce yourself as your character. are dating one of the NPC's in your campaign.

... and see nothing wrong with it. pray to your GM. can actually say that you have more game books than the game store. have more meaningful arguements in a game than in real life. (Mostly because no one will talk to you in real life.) wonder what I ment when I said "Real life". actually do all the things on this list, just to be considered a real gamer. actually care wether your AC is -8 or -7.'ve actually had an AC that low. make a new character, and in four days he is level 10. make death threats at your friends' characters when they annoy you. buy a ring in real life that is 3 sizes too big, because rings are supposed to fit everyone, no matter what, right? bother to worry about how much weight your character carries and use the encumberance rules. refer to Driver's Ed as "training in piloting automobiles.

...when you and a fellow PC's character get into a fight, you go to the closet and break out the ornamental broadswords.'ve ever toured Scotland and England in hopes that you would be able to open a dimensional Rift. play Warhammer 40K....with 1:1 scale. entered a Trekkie convention and shouted "screw the Klingon language! Iknow Elven!"

...trekkies look down their noses at you.

...the writers of your favorite game call you for advice on their new sourcebook. can't seem to escape the feeling that you should be... rolling...something... but what? base an NPC on your girlfriend as a birthday present.

...and she loves it. carry a pencil, a bag of dice, and your character sheet in case of a spontaneous game session. tell everyone that your pet is your animal familiar.

...your memories of "the good old days" involve cheese balls, and a really long campaign.'ve been to a hundred bars and taverns in your games, but only one in real life so you could get the ambiance to make the ones in the game seem more real.'ve played Strip D&D. cried when your freind's character dies, but didn't even go to your grandmother's funeral because it was on the day of your campaign. tell your friend that spending $4500 to fix up his car was a waste of money, then go home to your $6000 dollars worth of RPG books.

...the pizza guy has been to your house during your gaming sessions so many times, that he greets you all by your characters' names. have no money, your bills are three months overdue, and you owe a total of $50000 dollars to various organizations, but your character could buy an entire army and arm them into invincible war machines and rule the world as a novelty and still have enough left over to buy off his enemies for the next 800 years.

...but your character lives by voluntary simplicity and only owns food and a couple weapons, like you. Except you sold your weapons for more rule books, and cheese balls and pretzles are the closest thing to food you know of.'ve actually played an RPG online. greet everyone with "Well met, my friend."

...your charactter actually has a well paying job.

...but you have never held a steady job for more than a week. honestly believe you have connections with a powerrful warlord.

...You have ever played a game with your parents.

...You were GMing a game with your little brother and he dies, and you were grounded for letting him die.

...if told of a mythical creature, you automatically name it's features, races, homelands and where the myth came up-not to mention which cultures it appeared in.

...when Magic the Gathering appeared, you created your own custom-cardgame RPG using a standard carddeck, and insisted that you should always be allowed to play the joker! mix up your own memories with your character's ("yeah, it's just like when I... No, wait that was my second-latest D&D magician") can't wait until you've read all this so that you can add your own comments've actually spent ridiculous sums on a second-hand mouse-mat just because there was a cool dragon on it. work as a medium- not using Anything like Tarot or I Ching, but you've learned every system from all of your fav. games. conisistently inform people that it's not "Carpe Diem"(sieze the day) but "Carpe D.M." (sieze the Dungeon Master.)

...or "Carp a D.M." (Hit the Dungeon Master with a fish.)

...or "Car: Pay D.M." (you ride with him, you chip in for gas.) grow up, get married, have kids ... then home school said kids so you'll have someone to play with during the week.

...and you reason to get the kids reading early: so they can make characters that you know nothing about & be more fun to play with.

...your nightmares run in slow motion...not because of terror, but because there's arguments about what the NPC villains and monsters can do.

...after years of playing dwarf characters, you find yourself naming the tools of your trade after favorite IC axes. forget what your parents named your first character. (if you're scratching your head over this one, it's your real name)'re still reading this list!

...when you can't remember your kid's name, but cal lhim by his character's name instead. really know you're a gamer when your kid thinks that is his name. don't go out with your friends on a saturday night, because your character has an important date. find yourself jealous of your character's significant other.'re LOOKING for someone like your character's significant other. compulsively mail or ship things to people because whatever it is reminds you of their character. buy a the new brand of toilet paper (or anything else for that matter) because it has the same name as the insane character of your's that'd get a kick out of it.

...the last time you tried to make your character do something that wasn't "in character" they (the character) argued with you ...

...and won. see "Semper Satyr" and you immediately think "Always Horny."

...someone mentions pixies and you immediately start swearing and wonder what they're going to foul up.'re sure that the class bully you knew in first grade was really an Orc.'ve ever eaten "bad dice" in a fit of frustration. get picked up by the police, and spend all evening trying saying "but I'm LAWFUL-Evil, really!"

...your excuse to the boss ever goes "But I HAVE to leave work early, I left my party in the dragon's den! No, really!" get kicked out of a camp site for running around at midnight trying to bite the rangers. (Boys and Girls, please do NOT try this at home!)

...or because you were howling at the moon.

...or if you've ever said "But officer, I had to punch him, I blew my rage roll!"

...or "But your honor I had to take the eagle feather, I need it for my fetish dagger."

...or "I don't usually run around naked officer, but the rite to cleanse the unholy Wyrm from the faerie-glen requires it!"

... but I'm a Kender, you can't fire me! I'm supposed to blow up the company network! collect flyers from DarkCon because they have different backs and you just know that they'll be worth something some day even after the event is over. know exactly where this list was first published, and what lengths the editor has gone to to make it a little more pc. trade two of page 3 for one of the rare page 5. STILL want to add to this list!

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