by Fugli


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A person starts a story:"It was a dark and stormy night."

An avid gamer starts a story: "It was a <die roll>...lightless and <die roll>...rainy night."

An avid wargamer starts a story: "It was a dark (35% visibility) and stormy, 7/8 overcast night at 21:16. The wind was blowing from the southwest at 21 kilometers/hour. Occasional flashes of lightning provided a 20% visibility increase for the remainder of the combat round in which they occured, at GM's discretion. The terrain caused a -3 modifier to be applied to all movement rolls."

A Vampire player: "It was a dark and stormy night--much like any night, really."

A Call of Cthulhu player: "The dark and stormy night obscured the sight of what was slithering up the walkway. This was fortunate for Bill -- at least he was sane for the last few minutes of his life."

A Castle Falkenstein player: "The lightning danced across the voltaic grid on Mount Scharnhoven, where Dr. Felonius had erected his electro-cannon. 'Aha!' he said, as he winched the diabolical weapon to point at the King's coach. 'I'll have my revenge at last!'"

An AD&D player: "It was a dark and stormy night. Lightning struck Kellak the Conqueror, but with his +5 Ring of Protection and his Shield of Electrical Protection, he easily made his saving roll and emerged unscathed."

A Cyberpunk 2020 player: "The rain made a stacatto drumbeat on the mirrorshades of the corpse in the alleyway. 'Poor bastard,' I said to myself. 'Poor fashion sense shouldn't be a capital crime.'"

Amber: "It was a dark and stormy night. I'll shift shadows, lose the lightning as we pass the bend in the road, let the thunder change to the sound of a waterfall and as I pass the old man standing by the road I'll try for Avalon's skies and hope my brother hasn't guessed I'll do that. I wonder if this is HIS storm, or should I look to another sibling for this little gift?"

Rifts: "It was a dark and stormy night. Too late Fred the Godling Anti-monster, burster realized that it was a ley line storm sent by a evil alien supernatural intelligence from another diminsion."

Battletech: "It was a strom riddin night, the 'Mechs trode cautiously, since there were no rules about rain or lightning hitting mechs yet, and no one had windshield wipers."

GURPS: It was a Dark and Stormy Night, which is Physical, Hard, and defaults to Foggy Evening at -6, or Bright Afternoon in London at -8.

Paranoia: "It was a bright, calm nightcycle, perfect in every way thanks to the wisdom and vigilance of our benevolent friend The Computer. Rumors that the night was dark and stormy are treason. Please report such rumors immediately. Thank you for your cooperation, citizen."

Mage: "It might have been a dark and stormy night, but given the paradigm shifts that had been occuring in the area lately, it's hard to tell. Leastways, it isn't raining on Tomas. The rest of you, of course, are dripping wet..."

Sliders: "And Remember Your Highness; The Sun never sets on the British Empire because God doesn't trust the British in the Dark"

Amber: King Random decided that it should be a dark and stormy night ... after all, he had just lost every game in the evening's poker.

STAR TREK: Captain's Log: Stardate 58917.3 The Life Support secondary systems are on the blink; it is currently dark all over the ship, even though it's supposed to be noon, and it is currently raining everywhere except the holodeck...

WHISPERING VAULT: As your Circle steps from the bounds of the Flesh into the Corrupted zone, you are immediately enveloped by the whispy strands of dark hatred emenating from the Unbidden, as the Enigma falls about you in a torrent of dashed hopes, unending nightmares, and broken souls...

Aliens Adventure Game: "It was a dark and stormy night on Acheron. Lighting streaked across the sky and the dim outline of an Alien could be seen clawing a hapless Colonal Marine to shreds"

Car Wars: "It was a dark and stormy night. Dirk had a D2 penatly to his hazard roll, which he failed as he was making a turn at 70 MPH in Pase 3. Dirk's car vaults into the air, the right tires each take 15 points of damage. The car flies through the air for 4 inches, spinning around it's central axis 360 degrees then flips over in mid-air, smashing the roof of the car (which has 0 points of armor <- it's all on the sides) into the side of the truck stop, the car takes 39 points of damage, which takes out Dirk and his power plant

Aria: The Definite Neuter Pronoun was a Nocturnal Period, with a Light (Negative) Aspect and a high Precipitation Determinant.

Theatrix: The Role has the Secondary Descriptors of "Stormy" and "Dark", and the primary Descriptor of "Knight."

Rolemaster: "It was a <roll, shuffle, shuffle> dark night with a type D weather critical <roll, shuffle, shuffle> it was Stormy, too. The lightning startles you and you <roll, shuffle, shuffle> slice off your left nostril and juggle your weapon for 3 rounds as you trip over an imaginary dead turtle, bleed at 3 pts/round and act at -20, no parry."

Hero system (CHAMPIONS): "OK, as you head for the Evil Eight's hideout it's a dark and stormy night. That means -4 on perception, -3 if you have IR, -2 for UV, Radar, and Sonar. Because it's raining HARD, that's why, Tom. Yes, rain does mess up Radar, I don't CARE if it doesn't say it in the book! Running has a Turn Mode, because it's slippery, unless you have Clinging and don't go noncombat. Yes, Dick, if you Teleport you have to make a DEX roll not to slip. Oh, and Harriet, your gas-based attack is Reduced by Range as well. I KNOW you didn't take a Limitation. Haven't you ever heard of special effects? What's that, Joe? You're pulling enough Change Environment out of your Variable Pool to make the rain go away?"

Hero: It was a...Phase 1? Phase 2? Phase 3? Okay, make a PER roll, 8-. 6? Okay, it's dark. Phase 4? Phase 5? Phase 6? Okay, make a PER roll, 13-. 10? Okay, it's stormy, too. You're hit by a 6D6 Energy Blast, Area Effect Hex, Linked to a 3D6 Flash. You take 21 STUN, 8 BODY. Phase 7? Phase 8? Phase 9? Okay, it's still stormy out. Take another 6D6 EB. Sword Master, your sword is a good conductor. Take a 1D6 RKA with that. Phase 10? ...

GURPS: (sorry for the personal venom here) "It was a... hang on... Ummmm... where was that sidebar... what's the weather like? Is that in the rulebook or GURPS: Meteorologists Of Doom?"

WARHAMMER FRP (Enemy Within campaign, anyway): "It was a grim and bleak night, the wind howling around the rotting corpses by the side of the road. The disease-ridden rats crawl around your ankles as the waters begin to rise form the sewers, flushing out the spiky mutated twisted horrible and evil chaos denizens of night to perform unspeakable acts with innocent young virgins as yet still asleep in their beds."

STAR TREK: "Captain, there appears to be some sort of atmospheric electro-magnetic discharge from the clouds that is preventing us locking on our transporters...

Captain, shields have become inoperable!

Captain, sensors are malfunctioning! The nature and composition of the darkness energy field are of a type never before encountered!"

(Console explodes in a shower of sparks and everyone runs from one side of the bridge to the other).

RUNEQUEST: "It was a dark and stormy night" The Orlanth Wind Lord starts to pray, the Storm Bull Rune Lord looks around for some chaos slime to slay, the Nysalor initiate says that the sound of the storm is merely the smell of one leg hopping and the Lunar hides and hopes that the red glow round the edges has nothing to do with the Crimson Bat, even a little bit.

SPACE:1889: "I say old chap, looks like we might be in for a spot of inclement weather, what?"

"Quite right, old man. Reminds me of the time the mem's hat blew away on Brighton beach. Shocking!

"Corporal Jenkins! Put the pavilion up, double-quick, there's a good fellow!"

"Yes, sir! Right away, sir! Long live the British Empire, sir!"

All then proceed with their game of whist while the wind howls around them.The mem complains about the slight draft as the cards are scattered throughout the tent for the fourth time. Jenkins is sent outside to hold the tent flap closed with his teeth.


GM: "It is a dark, and Stormy night..."

PLAYER CHARACTER: "L-T": "Three watches, make a fire... Is there a wind? DAMN! COVER THE AMMO! Crap, OK, Uh... What do you mean my foxhole is filling up?!?!? Drainage trench?!?! I...OK, (shuffles through old army traing manual) here it is... Guys...GUYS, Look, (shows picture) dig a small pit to the left, as deep as your entrenching tool... TRADED IT FOR A LAW-80?!??!? ARGGH! OK, Look, use a messkit, or something...Traded that, too??!?!" (turning red, now.) "OK, at least we can collect the water, use your rain ponchos....WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING ON UNDERNEATH??!? Guess YOU TRADED THAT TOO, HUH? Crap. Ok... At least the fallout will wash out of the atmosphere...

(To GM): What? Guys, SHUT UP! Huh, A Click? Like a cricket click, like that? Or like an Ak-47 safety? ....(listens)...TREE BRANCH?!?!?! Ahhh!!!! .... Crap. 3D6!??!!? 13. Light. Cool.

....(pause)... "War is hell."


"It is a dark, and Stormy Night."

"Cool, we'll slip out of the perimeter, in pairs. I'm only taking my knife, and a pistol...yeah, with the supressor, OF COURSE!"

"Ok, here's the drill. We go out for a snatch & grab, on the VC village chief at Dak Ben Jiao. Bring some willy-petes, and three claymores. We'll belly crawl the last 100 meters, as soon as we get a spot on the objective. Set up a pos on the north end of the village with the '60, and we do cover and move once we at the hooches. If you spot a dink in a spider hole, we're had, grease him, then we'll didi back to the evac site. PBR picks us up at dawn. Any questions?

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