by Fugli

The Munchkin Test

Note: the comments enclosed in "So where does that leave my 5d6 discard lowest system then?You know, this sounds really funky. I must give it a go next time I find a DM dumb enough to let me play it.Otherwise known as giving the DM a bottle of Famous Grouse before the game.D&D, not AD&D(alternate) You are a Munchkin if your mage doesn't NEED a Spellbookmay???!!!***

You are not a munchkin if you can't set fire to a flask of wine.
You may be a munchkin if your flask of wine burns like a flask of oil.
You are a munchkin if your flask of wine burns like a 10 HD fireball.

OK, admittedly, this doesn't make as much sense if you haven't been following the "Famous last words thread".

You are not a munchkin if you think munchkins are ridiculously powerful.
You may be a munchkin if you think munchkins are a bit powerful.
You are a munchkin if you think munchkins aren't too powerful.
I don't know WHAT you are if you think munchkins are weak.

You are not a munchkin if you've reached the 36th level in D&D
You may be a munchkin if you've reached the 36th level in AD&D
You are a munchkin if you've reached the 36th level of SPELLS in AD&D.

You are not a munchkin if your party contains 4 people.
You may be a munchkin if your party contains 14 people.
You are a munchkin if your party doesn't contain ANY -people-

You are not a munchkin DM if the god of your world is Helm.
You may be a munchkin DM if the god of your world is PC.
You are a munchkin DM if the god of your world is your personal incarnation...

You are a munckin if your paladin has a teleporting dragon....

You are not a munchkin if you roll stat on 3d6.
You may be a munchkin if you roll stat on 4d6.
You are a munchkin if you roll stats on 6d4.

You are not a munchkin if you use a sabre
You may be a munchkin if you use two sabres.
You are a munchkin if you use a LIGHT SABRE.

You are not a munchkin if you need a beltpouch to store your silver.
You may be a munchkin if you need a backpack to store your gold.
You are a munchkin if you need a Portable Hole to store your platinum.

You are not a munchkin if you gaive gold coins to armourers and tell them to keep the change:
You may be a munchkin if you give gold coins to inkeepers and tell them to keep the change.
You are a munchkin if you give gold coins to beggars and tell them to keep the change.

You are not a munchkin if you tip a barmaid.
You may be a munchkin if you tip a priest.
You are a munchkin if you tip a God.

You are not a munchkin if you keep a list of your kills.
You may be a munchkin if you keep a booklet of your kills.
You are a munchkin if you find it saves paper to just tick off your kills in the Monstrous Manual.

You are not a munchkin if you need one volume to record all your spells.
You may be a munchkin if you need several volumes to record your spells.
You are a munchkin if you need a laptop Pentium to record all your spells.

You are not a munchkin if you read a Gary Gygax novel.
You may be a munchkin if you read ALL Gary Gygax novels.
You are a munchkin if you WROTE a Gary Gygax novel. :)

You are not a munchkin if you wear Plate Mail
You may be a munchkin if you wear Plate +2
You are a munchkin if you wear one of the five ronin armors.

not necessarily true.
You are not a munchkin if you've HEARD of the Five Yoroi (original name)
You may be a munchkin if you WEAR one of the Five Yoroi
You are a munchkin if you use the Yoroi to fight Orcs.

The Munchking

And the final note....

For times when the term munchkin just won't do, I give you the MUNCHKING!

How to spot the MUNCHKING!:

In order to prove he is not a munchkin, he uses his weakest weapon in combat (a +5 Vorpal Knitting Needle).
He ride into battle on an Avatar.
He posts messages with title like "NEW IMPROVED ANONYMITY".
He spent more time on his .sig than you spent on your masters thesis.
He has yet to find a character sheet with enough room for "Level".
He ticks of his magic Items in the ENCYCLOPEDIA MAGICA to save trees.
He wears at
shirt that says "My other magic sword is ALSO an Artifact."
He is annoyed that the stat tables in the PHB only go up to 25.
He insists on taking a Half Elf/Half Dwarf to get ALL the good bonuses.
He insists that his last GM let him have the 'Rod of Seven Parts' ("See, its right here on my character sheet beside 'Excalibur'").
He thinks wizard spells are CUMULATIVE.
He actually said "I played D&D with Gary Gygax at a convention." and seems PROUD of it.
He is reading this post and getting angry.
He penalizes players XP for wasting time talking to NPCs.
He thinks that Elminster is a whimp.
He thinks the Tarrasque is a whimp.
He thinks GOD is a whimp.
He thinks the DM is a wimp.
His paladin puts on the Hand and Eye of Vecna, and Vecna's alignment starts changing to Lawful Good.
He has Heward's Mystical Organ fully repaired and tuned up and sitting in his castle's basement gathering dust.
He installed a mechanical play option onto the Organ to play complicated tunes without error.
His Charisma is 25 and he doesn't even know what that means.
He keeps telling the DM that the Treasure Tables are way too stingy;
And he insists that the listed treasure type for "Kobold" applies to each individual kobold.
You upload to AOL 35 poorly but painstakingly executed drawings of all the fantastically beautiful and dangerous women who cling to your character like lint.
He (a different munchkin) downloads the above drawings, and orders his DM to let him have them as henchmen.
The name of every spell he has ever researched begins with "Improved."
He thought Tomb of Horrors was simple, even though he fell for every single trap in the dungeon.
your character has more hp's than xp's and he's not first level.
Your friends stop playing with you 'cause they're just jealous'
Your character sheet is longer than the encyclopedia britannica.
You've sent a letter to the Vatican insisting they cannonize your character.
Your armor has more pluses than a first graders addition homework.
Reading about the character in the 'invincible PC' post gave you a warm fuzzy.
You have a law suit pending against TSR for not including your character in 'Legends and Lore'. (counts double if you think you may win)
You've been published in the dragon magazine april edition of 'unanswerables' more than once.
You think encumberance should be banned from play permenently.
You think character Hit dice are cumulative (ie. a third level paladin has 6 d10's worth of hit points).
When someone says 'D&D is just a game' you hug your character sheet to your chest and whisper 'he was only kidding... he didn't mean it."
You claim to be immune to tactical nukes becuase they aren't + 3 or better.
When your DM said the monsters also get crit hits, you attacked him with a chair.
Your characters strength is Avagadro's number.
You claim to have killed the entire deities and demigods.
You laminate your character sheets.
(FR players) Ao is your squire, and Elminster your scribe.
Your character is his own deity.
You bought a three hundred dollar HP calculator so you could figure out how many gold coins you have.
Your original character was gonna be a PALADIN/MAGE/DRUID/ASSASSIN/MONK, but when your DM wouldn't listen to your 'reasonable' request to suspend the split experience rule, you whined for a moment then chose your present character.
When you roll dice it goes something like this: You use the 12d6 drop the lowest 9 method twelve times and take the six best. You then roll again for your 'bonus points', only when you roll and somehow fail to get three sixes, you say 'okay, this time for real..."
You think that a Girdle of Storm Giant strength, guantlets of Ogre Power, and a Warhammer of Thunder of Lightning are a common combination for magical treasure and you get mad if the Warhammer is not Vorpal w/life stealing Abilites.
Your character sheet smells like sex.
Your THAC0 is Planck's constant.
You think ordinary munchkins are wimps.
You devised a new ability generation system - roll 4d100, keep 3 highest.
You disposed of all the regular magical items in the DMG because they weren't powerful enough.
You expect your god to pray to him.
Your dex is lightspeed

P.S. This is all in fun. If you got angry, You are a MUNCHKING! and no one really cares what you think!

Contributors:
jonathan@soho.ios.com (Jonathan Edelstein)
wildwood_greenbough@usa.pipeline.com (Bill Wilson)
dbrohman@chat.carleton.ca (Dave Brohman)
nb4769@mail.bris.ac.uk (Neil Barnes)
bf679@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (R. John Morrow)
pelarski@aero.und.nodak.edu (Mike Pelarski)
thorns@cs.mcgill.ca (Simon)
remoore@nando.net (The King of the Munchkins... :) )
moondog@gvi.net (Jason DeNeault)
dbrohman@chat.carleton.ca (Dave Brohman)
moonsong99@aol.com (Moonsong99)
gs01rmb@panther.Gsu.EDU (Rolf M. Bunchner)
c_king@cc.colorado.edu (Cameron King)
shawn_kester@nt.com (Shawn Kester)
bfmyers@ix.netcom.com(Myers)
mroozee@math.uci.edu (LK)
jrich@cln.etc.bc.ca (The Munchkin )
enters@nijenrode.nl (Robert Enters)
lrmead@whale.st.usm.edu (Lawrence R. Mead)
littlejm@gnatnet.net (John Morgan Little)
yyg@valleynet.com (Ki-Rin)
taustin@ni.net (Terry Austin)
who@where.net (DrkShade)
klack@srv.net (Chris Appelhans)
passanta@aston.ac.uk (A PASSANTE)
firefly@iinet.net.au (Greg Tannahill)
robinson@blue.weeg.uiowa.edu (The Amorphous Mass) seitz@krick.com (Christian Seitz)
chris@scos.intserv.com (Chris Rachiele)
kirby@pacific.net.sg (Kirby Kuah)
DarkStarCO@worldnet.att.net (Chester Boyd)
particle@servtech.com (Chaos Harlequin)
hackard@freeside.fc.net (Andrew Hackard)
ZDFY66B@prodigy.com (Joseph Gerber)
skeezix@interserv.com
guidov@net4u.it (Guido Villa)
m_curr00@tpnet.co.nz (Mike Currie)
macarlso@nmsu.edu (M. CARLSON)
watkinsw@brutus.datastar.net (Jeremy Watkins)
seawasp@wizvax.net (Sea Wasp)
George21@concentric.net (George Hirst)
JMXK24E@prodigy.com (Chris Pappas)
mlush@hgmp.mrc.ac.uk (Mr. M.J. Lush)
arobins@freenet.columbus.oh.us (Alan Robinson)
scattman@bssc.edu.au (Scatt Man)

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